It’s a booty short-shaking homage to NBC-Newsweek’s very own straight-shootin’, pro-gun, pro-choice, anti-immigration, ex-lobbyist, moderate conservative candidate, Fred Thompson. (The lyrics are posted below, so crank the volume and sing along.)
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‘My Johnson is for Thompson’ Lyrics
by Dale Fitzgerald
(Performed by the Fred Thompson Twins)
He drove his red truck to the bright lights –
Cigar dangling from his mouth.
He’s a Fred white and blue gun slinging son of the south.
He wears a suit.
He thinks we’re cute.
We never forget where he’s gone.
Run a poll in Newsweek.
You’ll see he’s already won.
My Johnson is for Thompson.
I’ve made my bed for Fred.
Build a fence around my heart.
Don’t let those foreigners in.
I’m kicking up my arsenal
Got a fort around my head.
Let’s bring Fred to the White House.
Let’s bring Fred to bed.
He’s slept with the likes of Lockheed Martin.
The savings and loan crash left people smarting.
My dad was so sad when he lost all his money.
But I hate my dad so Fred is my honey.
That’s why my Johnson is for Thompson.
I’ve made my bed for Fred.
Build a fence around my heart.
Don’t let those foreigners in.
I’m kicking up my arsenal
Got a fort around my head.
Let’s bring Fred to the White House.
Let’s bring Fred into bed.
I’ll be your anonymous source.
I’ll help you lobby for G.E.
I’ll wash off your dirty truck.
I’ll watch you on that NBC.
My Johnson is for Thompson.
I’ve made my bed for Fred.
Build a fence around my heart
Don’t let those foreigners in.
I’m kicking up my arsenal
Got a fort around my head.
Let’s bring Fred to the White House.
Let’s bring Fred to bed.
Newsweek says he’s the candidate for me.
I’m a waxed up straight shooter so I have to agree.
McCain hurts my brain.
Rudy hurts my booty.
Rudy hurts mine too.
Man, that guy is fruity-ooh.
My Johnson is for Thompson.
I’ve made my bed for Fred.
Build a fence around my heart.
Don’t let those foreigners in.
I’m kicking up my arsenal
Got a fort around my head.
Let’s bring Fred to the White House.
Let’s bring Fred to bed.
Let’s bring Fred to the White House.
Let’s bring Fred into bed.
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Let us know what you think.
I’ve long been complaining about the media’s declaration of the “top tier” candidates. The candidates who “win” the polls are the ones that the media talks about, but the ones the media talks about are the ones who win the polls. Seems like a vicious cycle to me…
If the major news organizations would only spend more time talking about the “second tier” and “no chance in the world” candidates, then maybe we could have something akin to a fair election. Otherwise, our president is chosen based on mere name recognition.